


Stay With Me

by parka_girl



Series: Not Entirely AU [4]
Category: SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 16:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12088992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parka_girl/pseuds/parka_girl
Summary: They've had this conversation a hundred, two hundred times, over the nearly-a-year that they've been together. Maybe if things were different, maybe if they were both free at the same time, maybe if they both weren't so recognizable. But the world they live in is not the one that allows them to walk the streets without facemasks and hats. It doesn't allow them to do things together, ordinary things that boyfriends do.





	Stay With Me

Singapore is a city another city on a long list of cities that Jimin never imagined he'd visit. He's been so many places, all of them new and different. Singapore is not like Seoul, it's not like Tokyo or LA or Sydney or Hong Kong. But Singapore, this Singapore in this moment, is different. It is not the Singapore of concerts where it is just Bangtan. It is not fanmeets or filming for vlive. It is a concert, he is there with the rest of his group, but Taemin is also here. 

The hotel room they're in is not on the same floor as the rest of Bangtan. It's not even the same hotel where the rest of SHINee is staying. Jimin isn't entirely clear on how this room came into their possession for the night, but he is not going to argue these finer points. Not when Taemin is here, not when his fingers are splayed across his chest. Not when they are naked in bed and seconds away from ordering room service. 

If Jimin closes his eyes, if he squeezes them tight, this could be something else. It is still Singapore, but there are no commitments the next day. No bags to be packed, no flights to catch. They could be anyone, on vacation. In Singapore to see the sights, to be tourists and nothing more or less. 

When Jimin opens his eyes he finds that Taemin is watching him. There is a look on his face, a softness that Jimin only sees when they're alone. He shifts, leaning in and kissing Taemin. 

"Maybe ..." Taemin starts and then stops. 

Jimin knows the words that follow. They've had this conversation a hundred, two hundred times, over the nearly-a-year that they've been together. Maybe if things were different, maybe if they were both free at the same time, maybe if they both weren't so recognizable. But the world they live in is not the one that allows them to walk the streets without facemasks and hats. It doesn't allow them to do things together, ordinary things that boyfriends do. 

"I know." Jimin replies, settling into Taemin's arms again. 

Instead, this is what they have. The almost year they've been dating has been like this, with no change in sight. When Jimin is alone, with Taemin half a world away, he thinks about how much easier things would be if he hadn't fallen in love. If he'd never gotten to know Taemin, if they'd never danced together. But in spite of everything, he wouldn't trade this. He wouldn't take any of it back, even if he could. The only regret he has is that they cannot spend more time together. 

"One day," Taemin says, nuzzling Jimin a little before pulling the covers over both of them. "One day, when we're old and gray."

Jimin has dated before. He has had his fill of empty promises, of lies and secrets. He knows that Taemin, too, has been down that road. They have both learned, the hard way, that promises shouldn't be made if they can't reasonably be kept. And yet ... Jimin looks at Taemin again and the promises they make are like all the others, except when he looks at Taemin he only sees his own emotions echoed back at him.

"When we're old and gray," Jimin says, softly, "we'll go everywhere. Do all the things we want to do." 

Taemin's smile reaches his eyes, it pushes out the worry about the next morning, about all the ways they'll need to keep sneaking around. It reminds Jimin of all the reasons he cannot give this up, that he doesn't want to give this up. 

Someone, he doesn't know who, told him that love wasn't easy and he's not sure he believes that. Love is far too easy, it's everything else that's hard. It's finding the time to be with Taemin, to see him for more than a moment. It's the annoyance that comes when their promotions do not overlap. It's the text from Taemin that Jimin gets as he's on a plane. It's the phone call Jimin makes in a restaurant bathroom. It's every time they want to be together and cannot. 

Sometimes Yoongi tells him he's wasting his life, that this thing with Taemin isn't worth all of the effort they expend. Jimin will always argue back, no matter how tired he is, even though he knows it's futile. He doesn't know how to explain how he feels, how he feels when he's with Taemin. How Taemin makes him feel and how he makes Taemin feel. It's not about sex, well, it's kind of about sex, but it's more than that. It wasn't supposed to be, but somewhere along the way they want from people who sleep together to basically boyfriends. He's tried to explain it, before, but sometimes it feels like his bandmates don't even care to listen to him. No, that's not right, some of them do. He is lucky to have Taehyung, maybe it's because he's friends with Minho, but he is the one who understands. He's the one who runs interference when needed. He is the person Jimin can cry to when he's frustrated or lonely. He is the one who understands. 

Jimin yanks himself out of his thoughts and looks over at Taemin, who has drifted off to sleep. They don't have much time together, they never do, and Jimin would never begrudge Taemin his sleep. They have spent more time sleeping, literally sleeping, together than anything else. Jimin, though, is not tired. He crawls out of the bed and walks to the window. Outside he can see Singapore, or at least part of it. Bright lights that remind him of home, of all the other cities he's been to, but are different all the same. He looks down at the people, rushing around at this late hour, and he thinks he would like to be one of them, one day. 

He hears Taemin shift and turns, watching his boyfriend because there is no better word to describe their relationship, slip out of bed. Watches him pad across the floor in bare feet to join Jimin by the window. 

Taemin wraps his arms around Jimin, holding him close. The room is bathed in the lights from outside the window, it's too late at night to be awake, but they have been making out and dozing on and off for the better part of three hours, maybe longer. In a few hours, Jimin glances back at the clock, exactly six hours, he'll have to go back to his room and pretend he spent the whole night there. He is certain the managers know, but they pretend not to see. Maybe they know there's only one thing that keeps him sane, that Taemin is that thing. 

They do not discuss when their flights are, though they both know. Taemin has a copy of Jimin's schedule in his phone and Jimin has one of Taemin's. They always know where the other is, it makes things a little bit easier, but not easy. It's never easy, except when they are together. 

Jimin turns in Taemin's arms, finding his mouth with his own. Beyond the glass, the city goes on without him. Inside the room, Jimin pushes Taemin back toward the bed. They fall onto it, laughter which changes into kisses and the rest of the world forgotten.


End file.
